The Testimony Of A Repented, Apologetic Me

God created us so wonderfully and beautifully and not only did He do that but also gave us dominion over everything he made; both on land, in the air and under the sea. However, many of us have decided to recreate ourselves due to some earthly factors that are swiftly beginning to lead us astray, with selfish innovations having to top that very list but after a careful and critical analysis of the true essence of my creation and what I stand to lose if I perished in my old sinful and lustful ways, I've come to a realization that I've been living a wasteful life and can't afford to spend the very next minute unsure of my eventual end and that orchestrated a change in me and the best thing I've done since my birth was to hit that reset button and today I'm back to my old selfless self that does not only acknowledge but glorifies the Lord and the purpose for which I was created. 

Now many may wonder what inspired the sudden need for a change in me. I mean, why am I just beginning to see the need to fill the vacuum that has been left empty for decades through sin and my lustful desires, why have I been so blind to the fact that I needed God more than He needed me and only just deciding to live righteously after dedicating most of my youthful days to playing the devil's advocate. Well, these and many more out of curiosity would cross our minds but like I always say, it's funny how and when we tend to find God and my story is one of those very funny episodes as love or better still, an heartbreak lead me to God as I remember vividly well how I gave my life to Christ after a breakup that got a grown man crying like a little baby. 

You know, she was young, beautiful, ambitious and very intelligent just to mention a few. As a matter of fact, she had a lorry-load of attributes that a man would die for and that made it so easy to fall in love with her. I was working with an International Holiday company at the time we met and was doing pretty well for myself too. However, I felt unfulfilled regardless and saw a need for a change and the only thing that made sense at the time was to put my creativity in use so I decided to quit my job and sign up for a photography school where my heart had always led me. 

No doubt, I knew it wasn't going to be an easy fit to achieve but I also knew I needed to and had to put in everything I've got; my savings, my time, my heart and my relationship was as stake as well and that imbibed a fear in me but I tried to shake it off, reassuring myself that everything was going to be okay and thank God for His special grace, I was opportune to be accepted into training by one of the best hands in the industry and he mentored me wholeheartedly, at least till the point I gave up and quit like I always did when something seemed too hard and impossible and that's another lesson I'm hoping that you all learn reading this piece because nothing good comes easy and we should never give up on what we believe in, no matter how difficult it may seem to achieve them. The fact that you could start it, you can finish it.

Anyway, back to my story… I started strongly and passionately no doubt but I was beginning to run down on funds after investing so much into acquiring my camera, lenses, paying for transportation in and out of work every day and feeding. It was a very tasking and demanding period for me as I woke up early and worked my butt out each day so as to achieve my goals and make my girlfriend proud but little did I know she had problems with the decision of quitting my job and chasing after something that wasn't visible and realistic, even though she had pretended to be in support initially. But then of course, human will always be human and it's just amazing how God tend to deal with us on a daily without losing His head and yet loving us unconditionally despite our unbearable excesses and that inspires me really. 

You know, she started acting strangely and became so distant and before I knew it, she was out there celebrating her birthday with a new suitor of hers while I stayed on my bed helplessly and sad I must add, because I was low on cash and didn't have the funds to take her out. And as if that wasn't terrible enough, she kept on changing her status on her blackberry messenger knowing fully well that I was on it and will be devastated by it. Apparently, she was already in a relationship with this dude she only just met on Facebook who has been chatting her up and also just got back from Canada and the fact I wasn't where I needed to be financially made it so easy to be tossed into the bin like a piece of trash but yea, she eventually payed for it with a more excruciating heartbreak as she was dumped the second her virginity was taken from her. Good readings….

Meanwhile, I had broken down and almost cried my eyes out before karma came calling and on one faithful evening I decided to take an evening walk to one of my favorite hangouts where I normally get high on my own supply and it was right there I gave my life to Christ while I was puffing on that 'weed' I spent over thirty minutes wrapping due to the state that I was in. I mean, my fingers just kept twinkling as it romanced the rizla. It was that day, the sixth day in the month of June, 2013, a date I still have written on my wall till this very day that I gave my life to Christ in a 'smoke joint' and went on to confess Him on a holy altar just a couple days after because I needed him to console me and help bring back my peace and indeed, He did. And ever since, there has not been any looking back from living aligned to His way, although there are some moment I got carried away but I was quick enough to acknowledge my sins and pray myself back to His loving and merciful hands.  

And with all these said, now I put it out to you, when and what led you to Christ? You know, you don't have to be shy about it. As a matter of fact, you have every reason to be proud of it because that was the best day of your life and should forever be thankful of it. Many have found Christ while locked behind bars, some while lying down helplessly on that hospital bed at the point of death and some were lucky enough to know Him from their youth. However, it really doesn't matter when and how it happened, what really matters is the fact that we know Him, confessed Him and dwelling in Him and only pray that the good Lord continue to give us the grace that we need so as not to backslid and someday we all shall meet and dwell with Him when that trumpet finally sounds. Rejoice!!!

Kay Magnate

Through My Life's Love Journey

We all have had our fair share of the heartaches and heartbreaks and as funny as it may sound, but I’m actually glad they happened as these times have thought me  a lot about myself, people, love and life in general. No doubt love is great and as a matter of fact, it’s a wonderful feeling but the excruciating pain its ripple effect inflicts on us makes it dame easy to change that smile we once had to an upside down frown, which I believe logically explains why there’s such a thin line between love and hate. However, I am most appreciative of these moments and they are actually one of the major high notes of my journey through life but what I still find hard to explain is how something that brought so much joy can change so quickly to cause us angst and make us cry so badly.

Who am I? I am that guy, that individual, a bad boy turn good and swiftly growing to be the man he was created to be, who hasn’t just been heart broken by women he gave his heart to and loved unconditionally but has also broken a couple hearts to, so I guess that qualifies me to talk about love as I’ve been through it all; the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to the matters of the heart. Growing up as a kid, all I ever wanted was to love unconditionally and sincerely but I still can’t remember how and when I managed to loose myself, my priorities and goals as regards relationships, only to fall in love with a selfish and heartless me, who activated the beast mode in me and hurting a couple pure and innocent soul in the process and just before you castigate and bury me alive, love already did, trust me.

You know, love knows how to fight its own battles and it’s true what they say about karma fighting back and hunting us when we least expect, and that dude if he was human must have hated my guts so badly, as he had a first row seat to my life and never hesitated to pay me an uninvited visit each time I got my hands dirty after a fair game of card. Apparently, I have always had to learn the hard way and hardly got away with anything I did wrong. I have had to pay back in full and double sometimes and that basically explains my recent records of the heartaches and heartbreaks but thanks to grace, I haven’t given up on love and never will. Through my life’s love journey, I have learnt a lot about women, life, love, hate and relationships and I’ve come to understand so much as regards putting my cards plain on the table and keeping my hands clean if I don’t want that same fire I’m igniting through my lies to turn back to burn me.

Love is kind and patient and a loving heart, pure and tolerant, it makes excuses for the one it loves. However, let’s be careful not to abuse its privileges or we watch it turn back real quick and aggressively that is, just like a rattle snake whose tail has just been stepped on. The truth is, for every good heart you allowed to cry attract a million chocolate boxes to another who’s just playing with yours and anticipating the day to say goodbye. Life is a bitch, isn’t it, but so are your words if they don’t percolate with the truth. The way you lay your bed, so you’ll lie in it. If you give me lemons, I’ll bring some vodka and we can mix it up and start a party, that’s what love is meant to be about; helping and complementing each other. You can’t leave others in the dark and expect to be shown the light. If you throw jabs at me, you can be rest assured that there’s someone out there heading your way with a knockout punch.  Whatever you sow is what you reap, period.

You know, I’ve spent quite a number of years as an ignorant kid sagging my pants as I walked through the surface of the earth and most of which I had the choice of dressing right and staying sharp but I chose to act immature regardless. Through these times, I’ve also had the opportunity of finding peace with the old selfless me that wouldn’t hurt a fly but my ego had to meet the tiger in me and that got things pretty messed up. Now what am I trying to say? We are filled with choices each day and solely responsible for the consequences of whatever decision we choose to take. God wouldn’t force His will on us despite being the creator of the universe and neither will life. You are as good as your last decision because that gives birth to the next phase of your life so be careful when making these choices.

I will like to conclude by saying that love happens to define our existence in so much way than we actually think, it is the true essence of life itself and we are nothing without it. Even the creation of the earth and everything in it, which includes us of course, was done out of love and you’re dead the moment you cease to exude it.  However, the funny thing about it all is that there is no manual to how to love, it happens naturally. Any love forced is lust and headed for the bin. Through my life’s love journey, I’ve seen people been cheated on and hated for been too caring and loving, and on the other hand, I’ve seen people been loved and cherished for lying and treating their spouse like a piece of trash, it's just funny, the ways of love. You know, I’ve heard a million definitions to this four letter words I've spent the last couple of minutes talking about, but if only we look deep enough, we would realize that it’s only love that can truly explain itself.  Just be you, be ready and love will find you. True love I say is you finding that part of yourself that says I’m ready. We don’t find true love, true love finds us.

Kay Magnate

Cry A River

No matter the pain you feel, you can't cry a river, so instead of lying there shedding those awful tears, why not activate that warrior button on your blackberry "BOLD" and switch the gear a little. It's okay to feel pain but don't get weighed down by it. Life is all about lessons and how quickly we learn determines the credits we earn. God does not have time for pity, He's in the business of building soldiers that are ready to war, you just can't be caught hiding behind the wall. You are of no use to Him if you can't teach your hands to war, the world is a battle ground and the strong they say survive.

You can't cry at every gas life leaks at you, it's either you have your oxygen mask available on standby or find your way through that crowd quick enough to prevent the teargas from getting into your eyes, you wouldn't want it disrupting your movement or would you?. However, pain is meant to be felt and dealt with, they are part of what defines us, if you've never been heart broken, how would you know how to cherish one. Life is in stages, a time to learn and a time to share that which you've learnt and guess my experiences gave birth to this piece. I've had it worst than you can ever imagine but things wouldn't have been that rough if I had the privilege you're having reading this today. Back then I questioned God's love for me because I wondered why He would allow me go through so much pain, but today I've grown to understand he was actually building me to become the man I'm fast becoming and the king I was created to eventually be.

Our scars they say remind us that the past is real and today when I look back am thankful for those times because they are priceless and they helped define reality for me. Now I can proudly beat my chest and say to my past that I came, I saw and conquered. You paved a way for today and tomorrow is right in line preparing for the future. We are nothing without the pain of the past and as a matter of fact, the most successful people in the world today had it pretty rough at some point in their life too. But then, rather than just sit there and question their maker, they drew out strength from their circumstances, using it as a stepping stone that motivated them to becoming what they are today.

Truth be told, you can't make it up there without getting in a ring with your struggles, you just have to be well prepared to knock them out. Some are extremely determined and end the bout in the first round while some have to wait for a synonymous call to determine their faith. By this time, a lot of time and energy has been wasted in the ring and not forgetting the series of punches that knocked them to the ground. But then, our fingers are not equal, so whatever situation you find yourself, I want you to know you're travelling with the map the Lord has specially designed for your life and nothing associated with your journey was a mistake. The times you've fallen will determine how strong you'll rise. Life is not mathematics, the formula you need to adopt might be different from mine.

Never work with another man's time, even the time zone of some states in the United States differ, talk more of the world at large. You've been structured specially to meet a set goal and should work hard each day to know what tariff plan suits that. You can't be a blogger and activate a five hundred megabyte internet plan for your monthly subscription, don't limit yourself. Embrace the change and welcome new ideas. You've got more functions than a game pad so don't be limited to what you see alone but spend each second trying to unravel the mistery behind that which you don't see. So I say, rather than water your bed with your tears, why not allow the pain plant those seed of success and water them to reality. It's pointless drowning yourself in the river of self pity when new opportunities present themselves at our feet each day and all we just have to do is brush off the dust from the last fall and stand again. I repeat, no matter the tears you cry, you can't cry a river, so when life gives you lemon, why not get a bottle of vodka and mix it up with some ice.

Kay Magnate