Letter To My Unborn, Aborted Child

Baba Dotun, that’s what my friends called me on that sunny afternoon as I walked home from school, my girlfriend had just aborted our baby, a child I didn’t want anything to do with and looking back to those times and how badly I chose to handle the situation, it’s fair to conclude that I was an ignorant, selfish and heartless creator ever close to been called human because I obviously wasn’t at the time and I didn’t just fail you but I failed myself and everything I stood for. I was young no doubt but was also very dumb and childish and if only I could turn back the hands of time, then I guess we would at this moment be getting set to celebrate your 17^th birthday and I definitely wouldn’t have had to struggle for the past 16 years of my life.

Apparently, you were an angel sent to me from above and nonchalantly messed it all up and also killed an innocent soul in the act and only hope my sins are forgiven even though I’ve had to pay dearly but the truth is that we can’t pay enough for taking a life we cannot create and can only continue to ask for mercy and hope someday that helps to pay in full. You know, the past years have been filled with so much drama, it just seems like I’ve been taking a step forward and five steps back when I should have been basking in his grace and I turned what should have been a blessing to more than a decade full of disaster and still paying till this day but hoping for a better tomorrow.

Well, I’ve learnt never to keep dwelling in the past and we can only learn from it and choose to live a better life as we move on. I know that I and your mother failed you but it really wasn’t her fault, I neglected her right from the very moment she told me that she was pregnant and she went through so much pain too and only hope someday she finds a place in her heart to forgive me even though she said she already has. She is a very strong woman and a goodhearted one at that and want to use this medium to thank a very close friend of mine who stood by her through those awful times even though that sure wasn’t enough because she needed my touch to constantly reassure her that everything was going to be fine but I chose to give it to other girls instead.

Son, I can’t count the number of sleepless nights I had and those mornings I woke up and wished you were lying next to me. The truth is, the devil has his ways of coming to steal from us when we least expect and incapable of making the right choices either because of the life we choose to live or the company we chose to keep and now I see one of the reasons why the bible advice that we serve the Lord in our youth because that makes it difficult for the dark faceless one to creep in and cripple a future so bight by a single mistake we make. Wish I knew God earlier, I definitely wouldn’t have picked up those cigarette sticks or poured a glass of champagne, talk more of those dry gins and bottles of my favorite lager beer I took off the crate and buried in me.

And funny enough, I picked up all these disgusting and health wrecking habits just about the time I made the biggest mistake of losing you. Ostensibly, the year 2000 was a deciding moment for me and delayed my destiny by this singular act, thus opening the door for evil to come in and can only thank the good Lord for showering me with so much grace that kept me alive till this day to be the one telling my story. You know, she was about six months gone when the abortion was carried out so there’s a face to this story and I was told he looked just like me and the thought of that kills me even more. Anyway, mum and I through the years have patched things up between us and I am sure she is doing great and misses you too. I am a grown up man now and indeed ready to take care of my responsibilities so please come back son and allow me make up for those lost years.

We can still rock those baggy jeans together, I tend to be growing younger in style everyday despite my white beards and don’t worry as well about the Nike shoes, got the store on a speed dial. I miss you son and today I’m finally free and hope the world learns from this and never mistake their blessing for a misfortune. Nothing is a mistake with God and though it may seem wrong out-rightly but if it’s destiny at work, you can never go wrong. You just have to be very careful diffusing the situation and handling it the best way possible. Our lives have been planned and scripted out even before our creation and let’s not disrupt our journey ignorantly, a single mistake can last us a whole life of pain and regret and that wouldn’t be our portion in Jesus name.

To the great people of the united states of the world, I will like to conclude by saying that this isn’t the time for sympathy and regrets, for the deed has already been done and we can only choose to educate our children so as not to find themselves making such a nasty fall that they might never be able to get up from. The road to destiny is a delicate and fragile one and the devil attacks us just at the time that our glory is about to spring up and shine bright. And to all those who find themselves rocking the same shoes like I did, it is time to stop hating yourself and do something about it.

No amount of pain and regret can change the past but we can choose to forgive our past and change the future. The future lies in our hands and the decisions we make today will determine if we are ready to let go of those bags full of worries and fear of the unknown and choose to run with the right team because there’s nothing you must have done that cannot be taken care of by the mercy of God. You just need to acknowledge your wrongs and repent from your old sinful ways and those lost years can be restored in just a twinkle of an eye. I know because I am a testimony to that and you can as well, God bless.

Kay Magnate

The Man I used to be

Although people may not totally understand why I chose to do things the way I did and the circumstances surrounding the decisions of today but if given a first row seat to my life to witness some of the things I go through and I've been through, then you'll probably just get on your kneels and worship the King for how faithful He has been strengthening me to surpass evil imaginations and keep going against all odds. You know, I've been wrongly judged by things perceived of me from the outside but little do they know what radiates on the inside. I mean, it's just unbelievable how judge mental we humans can be but then again, it's okay to jump into conclusion, let's just be careful how we are so quick to condemn ourselves because the same way we judge others, so shall we be judged. Now some might ask, what has he even been through in life that others haven't?

Well, the answer really is nothing because there's nothing new under the sun, but then I ask, what happens when the sun refuses to set at the appointed time and the children are still out there playing and riding their bicycles when they already should have been in bed sleeping to awaken the new day. The answer to that question got itself laced up in my shoes and kitted in my favorite attire as my life portrays a perfect picture of that and trust me, you don't want to live the sixties when you're in the 21st century, so you can imagine the dramas I must have played a lead role to. You know, my days have been clouded with the late night stars and though it seemed like it would rain but I was encompassed by the fear of the heat that came with it. Never have I bought a tooth brush and didn't have to pay for the whole pack eventually.

It's just crazy how life demands so much of you and gives nothing back. But then, just before I go on, allow me warn you that my words are six feet so you may need to walk with your shovels when travelling with me on a journey through my pages because I hate to loose you by the expressions I bury them with. And with that said, my pain gives a mouth to mouth to my thought and may come out wrong some times by the actions imbued due to the unhealthy circumstances surrounding its birth, but then ofcourse, I don't apologize for them because they define who I am. You may really think you know me but you don't have the slightest clue. The fact that we had a couple sticks together and messed up a couple sheets doesn't quantify an opinion of me.

The memories you think you have of me are times I was out there playing the devil's advocate but did it occur to you at the time that there was a messiah sited by his father on the throne soliciting for my release from the grip of the dark faceless one and today I'm filled with his grace. Where were you when my dad was gone just a couple of weeks to his 50th birthday, when I was just a young lad still trying to know the amazing man that brought me to life, do you have the slightest clue of the pain I was filled with when the wicked world took him away prematurely, breaking the bond and making us cry, now you think you're qualified enough to play God in my life and judge me? Wow !

Well, you can choose to play God all you want but those that knew me while I was still a young kid growing up would know that I was that cute boy who loved to read his books and climb up the roof so as not to get distracted by the aroma coming out from mum's kitchen and beckon from friends who wanted to play football, but who I grew up to be and that you were privileged to meet was a different version of the created me that the evil ones wanted you to see. It's a wicked world we are living in, so be rest assured that there are people in the dark places working effortlessly so as to make sure that your destiny is truncated but I thank God because today I'm beginning to find myself, acknowledging my wrongs and praying that no one ever has to suffer in the hands of known and unknown enemies of destiny, for things he or she know or knows not, either because of the glory or the mistakes of the parent.

Anyway, like I said earlier, it is okay if you choose to judge me for the wrongs I must have done to you at some point in my life but let him without a sin cast in the first stone. The truth is, no one knows it all, we've all fallen short of his glory and will continue to fall short of it till the end of time because it's just who we are and it is only by His grace that we live this day. So therefore, rather than to sit here feeling bad, I choose to thank God for the man I'm fast becoming and the one I use to be because they only testify to the goodness of God in the life of a man and leaving us with a well stated fact that everything will eventually work for the good of those that love God. I am not perfect and neither are you and the fact I know better today and living a righteous life still doesn't guarantee I wouldn't hurt you tomorrow. Let us just always understand that no matter how close to perfection we may think we are, the human factor in us always comes to play and that's why there's grace. It is not by our power or might, so why don't we begin to remember people for the good they do and put aside the wrongs for a change. And if only we could, then I'm convinced that the world would be a better place for you and I. 

Kay Magnate