Remembering My Mum

These past few months have been some the most emotionally charged moments of my life. One is never truly ready or prepared to lose a parent or loved one.

As my Aunt Adrienne said to me just the other day, “It’s as if a light had gone out in the world”. Such a perfect explanation of the emotions toward how my mom lived her life.

Those who know me, have probably heard me bitch and complain of what a pain in the ass she was and how she made me so crazy, and how it made her just as crazy. At the same time I know there were times, you had also heard me praise this courageous, amazing woman. As I type this I know how blessed I was to have Jacq as my mom.

My mom was a stage four breast cancer survivor for over 20 years, and most people who encountered her never knew she had breast cancer or of the challenges she may have faced that day or in her life. She fought an amazing fight right up till the end.

The day before she passed I said to her, “Mom, you need to put yourself first for once, everyone will be fine.” Her reply was, “I promise, I’ll try, love you very much.” She never wavered from who she was. She kept her quick wit, sense of humor, feisty disposition, and never ending warmth and love.

She was kind and patient with the doctors and nurses as they did what was needed to help her, as uncomfortable as it may have been. She would call her oncologist “Old Blue Eyes” even though his eyes are not blue. “Hahahaha” She would laugh, in a loving tone.

Everyone who knew Mom & her oncologist knew of the fondness they had for one another. She would greet the nurses with, “Hello, darling”, along with a smile and smart ass comeback.The love she gave was apparent by the overwhelming love she would receive by each and every person who came in contact with her.

Jacqui was just that type of human.

She would challenge you, love you, and make you want to strangle her at times, but in the end you always felt blessed to know her or to be a part of her world.

She had been known to buy a cup of hot cocoa, or a banana or water for the Salvation Army bell ringer in front of any store. She would offer water to the garbage men or mail person on a hot summer day. She smiled at every person walking down the street, thinking maybe they needed it because they were enduring a tough day. She treated people the way she felt they should be treated.

I remember Mom once taped a large poster board sign on the back of her car that read: “Pray for Peace” My father was not too thrilled, being he thought she was always looking to invite trouble. Hahahahaha

Just another Jacqui reference.

If she was in a heated argument, the V birthmark on her forehead would darken and you would know the scorpion tongue was being fueled.

When you speak to those who knew her, there is always a story or four you will hear that will touch your heart and make you smile. “Unique” is the perfect word to describe my mom.

I know she is no longer here for me to argue with, hug, tease, admire, or learn from… But I know she will always be around me, guiding and loving me in a spiritual sense. Jacqui believed the soul lives on, and now that she is with some of her beloved friends, family, and her love, my father Arthur, she is healthy and vibrant once again, living big all around us.

My life after now is something I’ll need to figure out with each passing day.

Remembering my parents, especially my mom, I’m trying to live my life as authentically as possible. My brothers and I are their legacy and they were all about being in service to humanity. So now we get to carry that legacy forward.

My Life After Now, was the last book my mom read before she passed 6/22/13.

She was so proud of my cousin Jessica Verdi, and told everyone she saw about how this book was a must read. For even with a different challenge than the character in the book had, my mother cried and could relate to the emotions of admitting and recognizing her “life after now” which for mom was breast cancer.

You are my sunshine. Always were always will be!

I love you, Jacqui.

Forever learning in your space, even with you gone. xxx

Blessed Be,

Until we meet again…

Cynthia

"As we walk to create light for others, we naturally light our own way…"

~Mary Anne Radmacher~

Your Legacy Lives On..

On the 31^st day of October, 1945, a great man was born and a selfless, hardworking, ambitious and a very intelligent and resourceful individual he was because he no longer lives with us, death had to take him away from us on the 21^st day of May, 1995 when I was just a young lad trying to know the amazing man that brought me to life. I remember vividly well that very day in my dormitory when I got a call from my house captain informing me that I had a visitor waiting for me outside and with so much joy filled up in my heart, I raced out in anxiety wondering who it was and the second I approached the gate, I saw my dad’s car and immediately the distance from the gate where I was and where they were parked seemed too far and wished I had wings and could fly.

But then of course, I couldn’t and was only able to make it there with my foot as fast as I could and got my first surprise when I eventually did and realized my dad wasn’t there and it was my brother and the driver who had darkened my door step. However, I wasn’t totally disappointed as I was told they had come to take me home because my dad was launching his new house and a newly acquired automobile which of course wasn’t so much of a surprise to me because at the time I left home to school, he was actually preparing for his 50th birthday and had series of plans in motion so I thought, what a great way it was to surprise me but little did I know I was headed for a shocker.

By this time I was still ignorant of what’s really happening and hurriedly ran back into my hostel to pick up a couple things I would need, as I was going away for the weekend and dashed right back, waving my friends goodbye as we drove off. And getting home, I saw a white paper pasted on my gate with my dad’s picture smiling back at me and I wondered why anyone would decide to make such am awful looking poster of him, with crosses sticking all around and announcing the date of his birth to the entire world. You know, at the time, I didn’t really understand what obituary meant, I thought it was just my dad as usual in a hot romance with one of his big vocabulary. I mean, my dad could speak well and words literally took turns at his feet.

Well, let me get back to my story before I get distracted because over and over I had wished he willed them over to me with a couple textbooks to brush myself up with and by now I’ll probably have been a professor of English language and those same words taking turns at my feet, only that this time, I would have them rocking Adidas because I love to buy myself some great shoes. Anyway, I stepped out of the car and walked right in and saw my mum rocking some black attire and was amazed at when she became a model because my mum hasn’t really been a fan of the color black but when I looked at her closely, I realized she had been crying, as she had a swollen face and so I thought I concluded too soon and on the contrary, she had become an actor and had met them shooting a movie scene but looked around and there were no cameras beeping and for the first time I pondered for a bit, puzzling what was really happening and it was then I was told my dad was gone and to be seen no  more.

You know, it’s been 22 years but still fresh in my memory is the sound of my mother’s voice as she broke the unpleasant news to me. I cried my heart out and for days I couldn’t come in terms with the fact that my hero was gone and I was never going to see him again and that left a permanent hole in my heart and even till this day, I still feel a void in me and only hope that the ink pouring out from my pen as I write this piece fills it out and these tears wetting my pages comforts me. Joshua Akintunde Falaiye, you were a great man alive and yet a great man in death. It’s true what they say that the dead still lives because I carry you along with me everywhere I go. You were the father of five amazing children who you loved so much and never hesitated to trash their asses whenever the boundary was crossed. And because I was the naughty type, your cane could make its way to my room even in the dark.

Daddy you know, for years I lived with hatred and anger because it’s been pretty tough since you left. Your family practically abandoned us because mum refused to marry your brother and at some point in my life, I decided to denounce that name but then I thought about it again because going ahead to do that will be me denouncing you and denying myself of my blessings and everything you lived for. Besides, it’s possible to disown the name but I can’t disown the blood flowing in me, so I decided to keep it anyway and hope they live to regret every tear I cried growing up in this lonely and wicked world. I miss you so much and I know you’re in heaven smiling down at the man your little boy is becoming and be sure you didn’t die for nothing because through me your legacy lives on.

And no doubt daddy, your son has been a very naughty child, I smoked, drank, womanized and reaped your wife off her hard earned money to hit the clubs and pop some champagne but today I know better and thankful to our creator for calling me back to order and helping me to retrace back my steps before I ruined myself. Today I’m living right but still waiting for that big break and although I might still be single but be rest assured that someday I would find that special woman to spend the rest of my life with and together we would have a son that would be named after you.

Apparently, God has been very faithful, your other sons are married and doing well and so are your daughters and beautiful wife. She didn’t remarry by the way but stayed married to making sure that we are all succeed and may the good Lord keep her alive to be able to enjoy the fruit of her labor because she’s been great and remains the best mum in the world and wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. Thank you for all the times I was stranded and you came to my rescue even though at the time I didn’t know it was you but you never really left, did you. Like so many  people, I didn’t use to believe in life after death but now I know for a fact that the spirit of the dead are here with us and their memory lives on.

                                     (In Loving Memory Of Joshua Akintunde Falaiye)

                                               

                                                                Kay Magnate